Feeling significant in life is one of our basic human needs. Tony Robbins says we have 6 basic needs: Certainty, uncertainty, significance (being heard and seen), connection, growth and contribution. We all put that list in our own special order, but if you have significance as one of your top two, it can cause all kinds of problems in your life. If you are feeling unheard and unseen, how important is it to you to change it around? Is it one of your top two? If so, then here is what you must do.
Feeling Unheard and Unseen?
1 – Don’t Let The Need For Feeling Significant Dominate Your Life
When you do this, you neglect other areas of your life that are just as important. You can’t focus on true connections with other people, or contribute, live in certainty, etc. if you are always seeking to be heard and seen. Doing so, means you are constantly in competition with something. It’s draining.
2 – Get To The Root Of The Issue
Feeling unheard and unseen is caused by something. At first glance you may think it’s your spouse’s fault because they are not paying attention to you, or your boss because you don’t get recognized for your hard work, or your parent’s fault because they never seem to see all the good in you. That’s not the root cause. There is a limiting belief under the surface that you must get to the bottom of. Find out what it is, and start changing things around.
3 – Show Appreciation and Kindness To Others
If you are feeling unheard and unseen, focus on doing things for others. Doing this will instantly help you meet your need to feel significant. Remember, it’s okay to want to feel significant, it’s just the degree at which you seek it. Show gratitude for the people in your life. Tell them how important they are, or how you like the things that they do. It will come back to you.
I also want to suggest Dale Carnegie’s ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People‘. Here are his 6 steps that he discusses in the book.
- Become genuinely interested in other people.
- Remember that a person’s name is, to him or her, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
- Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
- Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
- Make the other person feel important. Do it sincerely
If feeling unheard and unseen throws your life off-balance, try these steps and pick up Carnegie’s book as well. It’s okay to seek significance as long as it doesn’t consume your life.